I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
