Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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