it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My ass is underappreciated
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
