Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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