you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
my liver is dry heaving
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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