Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
