I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
3pm strippers are depressing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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