I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
