Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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