WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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