She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
