I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
