Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
