I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
