did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
