Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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