You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
