Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize