I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
