census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
