: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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