i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
