I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
