my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
