I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
