So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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