We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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