I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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