The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
