i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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