i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
