he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize