I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
