I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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