sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
