I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
