Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
