my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
