Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
