She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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