i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My life is pants optional.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
