areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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