I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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