so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need a beard to bite.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
