I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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