im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
