Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
