is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
