somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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