I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
