it was like his penis was on wheels.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
