Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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