yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
