The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
