I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
