I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
