His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
