i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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