She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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