he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My vagina is very pro this idea
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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