If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Your penis caused this!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
