me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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