yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
