I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
