I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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