Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
