I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
