eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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