if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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