Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize