I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
