Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
