It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
