Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
