Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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