He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
