We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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