Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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