if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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