I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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