Moan for me like Helen Keller
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
