I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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