census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Vodka?
Forever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
