how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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