You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
