Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
