My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
