I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
