you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
