Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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