i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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