This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
