Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just cropdusted the office
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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