fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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