i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize