hotel room ftw
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
