Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
