shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
