I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
