Where are you?
In a non slutty way
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize