butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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