Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
