just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
