I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
