Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
