dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
