it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
