the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
