Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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