I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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