i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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