Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
