And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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