I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
