Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
