I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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