were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
