I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
