loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
